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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100796">Back to the Future</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrelNo2/pseuds/SquirrelNo2'>SquirrelNo2</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Instrument of Chaos [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Grief/Mourning, Pre-Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:22:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquirrelNo2/pseuds/SquirrelNo2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Flynn and Carrie are home, except it's not home, and it's worse than they thought. Carrie doesn't exactly want to stick around while Flynn and Julie solve her like she's a problem, so she decides to make good on a promise she made in 1994.<br/>Flynn goes after her, because she's going to be the mature one if it kills her. (And maybe, just maybe, things are a little different between them now.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Flynn/Carrie Wilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Instrument of Chaos [8]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1953958</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>81</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Vulnerable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Surprise! I exist still, I swear. The real reason I never took a break between chapters or fics before is because if I stop writing I don't start again forever, apparently. Still working on figuring out what on Earth has happened in this timeline because it sure isn't as neat as I thought it would be before writing the last one, but in the meantime have this! Second chapter coming probably tomorrow or Friday.<br/>(Alternate summary: two lesbians, chilling in a graveyard, screaming at each other because that's how they bond.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Carrie left the Molina house as soon as she was sure she could slip away without anybody noticing. It didn’t take long; in a group of people that already barely knew her and didn’t like her, only one person even remembered she’d ever existed, and Flynn was more worried about how Julie’s life had changed than what Carrie was going to do.</p><p>Teleporting was weird. Parts of Carrie vibrated, and parts of her didn’t, and in the split second between places she was intensely aware of the fact that she <em>didn’t exist</em> – Carrie rematerialized outside the cemetery and clamped down viciously on her burgeoning panic attack. She was Carrie Wilson, even if nobody remembered it, and she would <em>not</em> break down.</p><p>Not yet, anyway, she admitted to herself as she started walking, searching for one headstone in particular.</p><p>She’d made Rose a promise back in the ‘90’s, and apparently she had nothing left to do but keep it.</p><p>When Carrie spotted Rose’s name, she slowed down, oddly nervous. Maybe it was the fact that her social life was about to be nothing but ghosts, but somehow she felt like she was opening herself up to Rose’s judgment.</p><p>“So I said I’d tell you the truth when we got back,” Carrie said. To her surprise, the story spilled out easily – finding the Instrument, screaming at Flynn, all the way through those weird moments toward the end where they held hands like nothing had ever broken between them.</p><p>“And the reason we know you,” Carrie said. “Is because we grew up with Julie. And I – I couldn’t handle being her friend. She didn’t want to be mine. I don’t know.”</p><p>Carrie took a breath reflexively and choked on it when she realised it was the first time she’d breathed since coming back to the present. Eyes watering, which was totally because of the coughing fit and not because she was crying, she knelt down. Not like she had to worry about anybody that mattered seeing her with grass stains on her skirt.</p><p>“I really believed my dad, when he said the only way to get ahead in music is working alone,” Carrie said. “Don’t tie your name to anybody else too much, or all they’ll ever want to know is what happened to so-and-so, right? Not about you. You’re not as important as how you feel about other people.</p><p>“And clearly he wasn’t wrong, right? I told him to hang on to his friends and he freaking <em>died</em>! Why should I tie myself to anybody else if this is what happens?”</p><p>The gravestone was still and silent, which was the best possible outcome, but Carrie couldn’t help but feel like Rose was sitting there, judging her silently with that look of not-really-pity she’d get sometimes.</p><p>Carrie didn’t even need Rose’s motherly judgment, not really. She knew how to poke holes in her own argument, which was why she was making it in private.</p><p>She’d <em>missed</em> Flynn. She missed Julie, too, when the other girl wasn’t pretending she was so much better than Carrie. And her time in the past – she’d actually convinced herself Flynn might have missed her, too.</p><p>“Yeah, right,” Carrie muttered. “Don’t be so stupid.” Flynn probably hadn’t even noticed Carrie was gone, after all. She had Julie and a whole band full of ghosts to worry about.</p><p>Carrie wasn’t sure how long she sat there. It was probably super creepy and weird of her to sit at the grave of somebody else’s mother, but she was dead, too, right? Cemeteries were, like, the best place for her to be. The only place she belonged.</p><p>“I guess you still keep your promises pretty well,” Flynn said. Carrie shrieked, and found out the hard way that jumping while in a cross-legged position resulted in her keeling over sideways. Flynn laughed, one hand over her mouth like she thought that made it better.</p><p>“Shut up,” Carrie grumbled. Not her best effort, insult-wise, but it had been a hard day.</p><p>“You can’t just leave like that,” Flynn said, sitting next to her. “You do remember how there’s entire organisations that lure ghosts in and keep them forever? Or were you too busy trying to pick a fight with Caleb for that?”</p><p>“I was <em>hoping</em> he’d use some magic without interrogating us too much,” Carrie snapped. “Not like it’s hard to get guys like that to show off. <em>So</em> many people Dad works with are like that.”</p><p>She paused, shivering as her hand passed through the grass like it wasn’t there. She curled her hand into a fist and placed it into her lap.</p><p>“Worked with,” she corrected herself. “Is there even a tense for ‘somebody erased me from existence and now nothing in my life ever happened’?”</p><p>“Hey, you don’t get to blame this on me,” Flynn snapped. “You were the one who just had to talk to your dad. What did you even say to him? If you eat a hot dog you’ll win the lottery?”</p><p>“You think I <em>planned</em> this?” Carrie snapped.</p><p>“No, you didn’t, and that’s the problem,” Flynn said. The other girl closed her eyes, looking frustrated.</p><p>“I didn’t come find you to fight,” Flynn ground out.</p><p>“Wait, you – you’re not here for Julie’s mom?” Carrie dug her hands into the ground, pretending to ignore the half-second where her fingers passed through the dirt before they caught, feeling like Flynn had shaken the world underneath her.</p><p>“No,” Flynn said. “I mean, I’ve got a <em>lot</em> I feel like I need to say to her, but. Carrie. You’re <em>dead</em>.”</p><p>“Yeah. I noticed.”</p><p>“How are you feeling?” Flynn said, annoyance bleeding through. Carrie felt as though she was on much more even ground now.</p><p>“I don’t know,” she said. “Am I just going to fade, Back to the Future style?”</p><p>“Oh my god, you <em>nerd</em>,” Flynn said. “And no, I don’t think so, adult Alex and Luke just disappeared. I guess since you changed time, and you were never born instead of dying, you just sort of… left yourself behind.”</p><p>“You’re a time travel expert now?” Carrie asked.</p><p>“More than most people,” Flynn said. “Not like that’s hard.”</p><p>Carrie snorted.</p><p>“Ok, Elle Woods,” she said. To her great pleasure, Flynn’s jaw actually dropped as the other girl stared at her.</p><p>“God, it’s like you don’t expect me to have any depth,” Carrie said. “I can watch movies, you know.”</p><p>Flynn shut her mouth and glared at Carrie, though there might have been a playful edge to it that she hadn’t seen in years.</p><p>“I just don’t expect you to have <em>taste</em>,” Flynn said.</p><p>“I’m surprised you do,” Carrie said.</p><p>“Please, we’ve all seen Legally Blonde,” Flynn shot back, rolling her eyes. “Especially when <em>somebody</em> makes you watch it at a sleepover.”</p><p>“I didn’t expect you to bother watching it again,” Carrie said, surprise making her quiet.</p><p>Flynn glanced at her, then down at her lap.</p><p>“I didn’t think you bothered with anything you liked back then,” she said, equally soft.</p><p>“No, but one of those things is bothering me,” Carrie said. “And I’m ok. To answer your question.”</p><p>“Ok like actually ok, or ok like I am right before I end up calling Nick and screaming into the phone for an hour?”</p><p>Carrie stared at her.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Flynn rolled her eyes.</p><p>“Long story. Sometimes Nick and I scream at each other, literally, when we’re stressed.”</p><p>“Literally,” Carrie repeated flatly.</p><p>“Originally, it was a metaphor, and then Willie was all, ‘you know it feels really good to actually scream’ and then Alex backed him up, according to Julie, and we all know Julie can’t lie so. It’s weirdly cathartic.”</p><p>“I guess that’s on your agenda,” Carrie said bitterly. “Fix Carrie, scream at Nick, pretend this never happened.”</p><p>“Is that what you want?” Flynn asked, far too astutely for somebody who didn’t even <em>like</em> Carrie. Carrie searched for a way to turn the tables.</p><p>“There is no way I’m the main thing you’d be screaming about,” she said with some satisfaction. “Your entire friend group, minus Julie and <em>my</em> ex-boyfriend who you mostly just scream at –“</p><p>“With,” Flynn muttered.</p><p>“Whatever. Your friends are all dead except you just saw them alive and they didn’t know you,” Carrie said, putting a venomous little twist on the end. The other girl flinched.</p><p>“Like I said, lots to scream about,” Flynn said.</p><p>“Sure,” Carrie said. “And let Nick think you’re screaming about my problems, not yours, right?”</p><p>“What do you want, Carrie? Me to admit I’m vulnerable?” Flynn laughed incredulously. “Fine, since you’re so <em>worried</em> about me, here. Yes, I’m upset. I hated being in the past. I hated seeing Julie’s band, my <em>friends</em>, and they didn’t know me, and they didn’t know what was coming. And you kept talking like I was plotting their death, because you’re a freaking demon with no respect, and of course it was hard for me! It was hard the first time, letting them die, and it was worse seeing them go through real life. Like, you listen to them talk and they'll pretend they just sprang fully formed from a guitar or whatever, like Reggie and Willie never talk about life before now to me and I don't think Luke or Alex is better, but those guys... Yes, I'm upset. I feel selfish, ok? For wanting my friends."</p><p>To Carrie’s alarm, Flynn was crying.</p><p>“Yes, I’m upset, Carrie,” Flynn said. “I was upset the whole time. Willie didn’t trust me, and then he trusted me right away because I hugged him? And if that doesn’t say something huge about his time with Caleb, which was apparently longer than two decades, by the way, then I don’t know what would. Yes, I’m upset, because that was a mess and I couldn’t help anybody. I felt so selfish, too, and then I just..." Flynn bit her lip. "The only person I could have helped was you, Carrie, so yeah. I kept it in, and I didn’t say anything about how bad it was. Because the instant somebody shows a hint of real emotion around you, you pounce on it and gnaw it to shreds. You can’t handle your own emotions and you take it out on everybody else, and at least when I can’t handle how I feel I don’t make it other people’s problem.”</p><p>She wiped under her eyes.</p><p>“Happy now?” Flynn said. “I bet my makeup’s running now, too. You win twice.”</p><p><em>No</em>, Carrie almost said. But Flynn was right about one thing. She didn’t know how to handle her feelings.</p><p>“Your makeup looks fine,” she said. Flynn, whose mascara had given her a distinctly smoky-eyed look, froze. She searched Carrie’s face suspiciously.</p><p>With a sniff, Flynn wiped a thumb under each eye one last time, clearing the worst of her tears.</p><p>“If you wanted to check on me, you could have just asked,” Flynn said.</p><p>“I didn’t,” Carrie said.</p><p>“Sure, Carrie,” Flynn said. “Look, I’m the only one who knows you. One of the only ones who can see you. We might as well stop pretending.”</p><p>“I thought we stopped pretending when we came back from the past,” Carrie said. “No more homeless lesbians for us.”</p><p>“No, now we’re just two lesbians who shouldn’t waste time hating each other when we have stuff to do,” Flynn said. “Look, I am <em>trying</em> to be mature here. I could just let you be a weird ghost forever. But it’s kind of our fault you got involved in this time travel stuff, and I’m probably your best bet at fixing things. So we stop pretending nothing changed between us in the past, and we can decide whether or not we hate each other when this is all over. Ok?”</p><p>Carrie really didn’t want to agree. Arguing with Flynn was safe, one familiar thing in a newly unknown world. Still, she had a point, and it was a cold day in hell that Carrie let Flynn beat her at something, even if the something in question was “being rational in the face of the plot from an eighties time travel movie.”</p><p>“Ok,” she said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Responsible</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Flynn is the absolute queen of keeping it together. No problems here. Besides, Reggie's a total hypocrite for asking, not that she would ever say this to him, because Flynn is, again, really good at keeping it together.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Normally, Flynn was a fan of chaos. The way things went down when she realised what had happened to Carrie, though, was a little too much even for her.</p><p>“So you and that girl made it so she was never born? What, do we need to Parent Trap her family or something?” Bobby asked. Flynn tried not to laugh hysterically. Alex and Luke launched into a debate on whether or not that would actually count as a Parent Trap if there were no siblings involved.</p><p>“How far into the past did you go?” Reggie asked at the same time. “Did you meet anybody cool?”</p><p>“Reggie,” Julie said sternly. Then, realising Bobby and Willie had jumped into the Parent Trap thing, Julie said, "Guys!" She reached for Flynn’s hands.</p><p>“Hey, it’s ok. We’ll fix this.”</p><p>The effect of Julie's soothing words was undercut by the sideways glare she sent to the others immediately after.</p><p>“Where’s Carrie?” Flynn asked, realising she had no idea where the mean-girl-turned-ghost had gone. Her friends (and Bobby, because that was him still there with everybody else like that was <em>normal</em>) quieted, looking around.</p><p>“She won’t have gone far, right?” Julie said. “I mean, friends stick together, she’ll know we’ll help her out.”</p><p>“She’s not –“ Flynn <em>really</em> wasn’t ready to get into this. She tugged at her necklace, trying to think. She couldn’t explain things, because this Julie knew Bobby, like she knew all the others, and that would hurt her. It would hurt Luke and Alex and Reggie because they had their whole band and they’d never had anything else. But Carrie – she could find Carrie. She could do <em>something</em> with Carrie, which was wild because normally Flynn and Carrie were all about hurting each other just by existing, but now it was the reverse. Carrie was the only person Flynn <em>wouldn’t</em> hurt by trying to fix things. She had to find Carrie.</p><p>“Flynn,” Julie said firmly, grabbing at Flynn’s shoulders. Flynn realised she was hyperventilating. “Where would she go?”</p><p>“I don’t know,” Flynn said. She hadn’t known Carrie that well since they were kids. “Her house? School? Uh –“</p><p>Carrie had made Rose a promise, back in the nineties. From the look on her face when she’d said it, Carrie wanted to keep it.</p><p>“I’ll get Dad,” Julie said. “He can drive us –“</p><p>“No!” Flynn said hastily. “I mean, it’s not that hard to bus there. And… look, if I’m right, there’s no reason you or your dad should have to come.”</p><p>“You’re going,” Julie said. “That’s a good enough reason.”</p><p>“Julie, you and Carrie grew up together,” Flynn said. “I – Carrie knew your mom. That’s why I don’t want you to come.”</p><p>Julie opened her mouth, but didn’t say anything. She took a step back. Flynn watched her nervously, hoping that had been the right thing to say. She didn’t <em>lie</em> to Julie, ever, but every single truth she had to offer right now would hurt.</p><p>“Ok,” Julie said. “Ok, go. Bring her back, and then we’ll all talk about this, ok?”</p><p>“Deal,” Flynn said with an attempt at a smile.</p><p>She nearly jumped out of her skin when Reggie popped up next to her at the bus stop.</p><p>“Did Julie put you up to this?” Flynn demanded, not even bothering with the usual phone-to-the-ear routine. There was nobody around at this weird hour of the afternoon, anyway.</p><p>“No,” Reggie said. “Luke did. Julie has better boundaries.”</p><p>Flynn wished she hadn’t laughed at that.</p><p>“Anyway, we do this all the time for each other,” Reggie said. “Luke’s not always great with knowing what he’s feeling but he knows you never go someplace alone. And he figured, since you can actually see me…”</p><p>“I can – never mind,” Flynn said. “Later.” She wasn’t really up for Reggie’s inevitable excitement over finding out she could see the others, even if it did make her feel gross inside to keep it from him.</p><p><em>It’s just a surprise</em>, Flynn told herself. <em>Like a birthday present. Or Christmas! Christmas is good</em>.</p><p>“Look, when we get there, can you let me go alone?” Flynn asked. “Or do you have to report back to Luke on my movements?”</p><p>“You’re just standing there,” Reggie said. “Were you gonna dance or something?” Flynn couldn’t tell if the bewilderment on his face was a joke or not. She was starting to suspect he did that on purpose.</p><p>“Reggie,” she said, trying to channel Julie’s ‘scolding a puppy slash bandmate’ voice.</p><p>“I’ll go home when we find Carrie,” he said. “Where are we going, anyway?”</p><p>“I think Carrie went to talk to Julie’s mom,” Flynn admitted.</p><p>“Wait, we’re not talking the afterlife, are we? Because she’s been a ghost for like five minutes and if she found out we could do that before I did – do you think Willie knows how to do that?”</p><p>“Reggie, I’m pretty sure nobody does,” Flynn said. The bus rounded the corner, and she sighed in relief. “I’m talking about the cemetery.”</p><p>“Oh,” Reggie said like this was some grand epiphany. “Oh,” he said a moment later, looking crestfallen. “That’s why Julie didn’t come?”</p><p>“She spent enough time there,” Flynn said, which was about as close as she wanted to come to explaining all the other times Flynn had ridden this route, on her way to bring home a friend – a <em>classmate, </em>today, who’d had the whole world pulled out from under her and didn’t have anywhere to go.</p><p>“Did Julie say she wouldn’t come?” Reggie asked softly as Flynn boarded the bus.</p><p>“She didn’t exactly keep asking when I told her,” Flynn muttered.</p><p>“Maybe she knew you didn’t want to let her,” Reggie said. “You guys are pretty close. Sometimes it’s like this weird cycle of ‘I don’t want to hurt her’ and then nobody’s happy.”</p><p>“First of all, stop being observant, it’s creeping me out,” Flynn said, holding up a finger. She kept ticking off fingers as she went down her list. “Second, I get what you’re saying, but I’m about ninety-nine percent sure Julie does not want to be at her mom’s grave for a reason other than, you know, seeing her mom’s grave. Third, Julie and Carrie have… a really complicated past. I have a hard enough time getting through to her, and that’s after we spent days in the past pretending we were girlfriends.”</p><p>“Wait, what?” Reggie asked. Flynn groaned. She had <em>not</em> meant to say that.</p><p>“Just… report back,” Flynn said as the bus reached her stop. “Tell Luke I’m fine. I’ll come back with Carrie in a little bit, ok?” As she got off the bus, she could just barely make out a little pink shape curled into itself on the grass, right around where Flynn knew Rose’s grave was.</p><p>Reggie left without pressing much further, though he sent her a nervous glance before he did that told Flynn he’d have like to stay if he thought she’d let him. Flynn ruthlessly squashed the tiny voice in her head that said he’d have stuck around longer if it was one of his bandmates or Willie, and then after that the other tiny voice that said maybe he just took her at her word and she should be a little more open about needing comfort if she wanted anybody to actually provide it. Both of those voices were stupid and wrong and Flynn was fine, now that she was back home. It was her job to make sure Carrie was fine.</p><p>She was the only one who could, after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Technically, this all happens and ends before midway through the last chapter. I considered writing more from Flynn's point of view, but I think the amount of rehashing that would happen isn't worth the further insight, since mostly her thought process is the same as I've presented here.<br/>Have I given Flynn my exact blend of insecurities? maaaaybe. It's because I love her so, I swear.<br/>Also, definitely thought Reggie would get a cameo, not... most of this chapter. Wild. There's some narrative reasons for me giving Flynn time with the guys as we move into the next one but also as always I just really like unexpected teamups. We haven't had a Flynn and Reggie moment in a while. Here you go. (He was. her first permanently visible ghost friend. I think about this sometimes.)<br/>It took me A While to get this done comparatively, but also that's because I've been getting a lot of inspiration for the upcoming big fic. That's still a ways away because none of this inspiration is timeline related, but it's drawing closer because I understand the central emotional conflict now. I mean, other than the continued process of lesbians in love. That's still a thing, don't worry.<br/>Last note, why have Bobby and Carrie both referenced movies? I don't know. Maybe they're just giant nerds who hide it decently. Parent Trap isn't a super weird pull for a nineties ghost, because either they saw the Hayley Mills one or Julie showed them the remake. I have carefully rationalised this for the sole purpose of Bobby making a Parent Trap joke about himself.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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